had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
