wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
