he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
