he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
