I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
