What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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