His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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