I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
