If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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