Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
