When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
