My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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