do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
