hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
you never un-have a 4some
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
