just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
