my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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