We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
