If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
