I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Life without a bra equals bliss.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
