it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This is the high leading the old right now
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
