my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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