Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
