thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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