Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
