I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
