I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
