Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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