alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
