Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
