i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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