He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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