I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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