the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
