The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
