I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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