He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
