I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
