They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
