just tell him i said nine months
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
