dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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