It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
