Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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