Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
