booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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