Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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