The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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