Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
