I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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