the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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