Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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