During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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