Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
