Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
