Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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