Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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