Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
